Sunday, November 11, 2012
How Quickly We Fall
Looking back I can’t believe the life I’ve left behind
Expectations and the goals I set quickly changed with time
The life I planned differs from the life I lived,everything has changed
The hardest thing to except, is I’m the only one to blame
I know where I went wrong, I just can’t explain why
Life seem to hold the answers, all I had to do was try
I let disappointment discourage me, from all that I desired
I lost the will to carry on, my life is uninspired
It’s been so long and I fallen so far, I’m no longer in control
I’ve stared into the face of death, as it ripped into my soul
I climbed back up just to lose again, will I ever reach my goal?
I don’t know how to ask for help, I’ll just let my life unfold
Desire and drive, a passion for life, who can predict their fate?
The more shit life throws at you,the more you can relate
Everyone’s there to give advice and let you know the deal
Until they lose everything, they”ll never know how it feels
Tell me what it takes to be happy, I’ve heard it all before
Give me the skills to cope and I’ll destroy my life some more
The harder I try to live life right, the more it knocks me down
My soul was lost years ago, just bury me in the ground
LifeTime
There was a time in my life
I cared about what others thought
Choices in life were centered around
Pleasing everybody but myself
I knew what I wanted, but it didn't make sense
People were always telling me I had to change
I gave into their shit, and started living a lie
My values were compromised
Everyone was happy, except for me
My life turned to misery
I stopped caring about what people thought
I told everyone to just fuck off
This is my life, I won't compromise
I'm sick of living for someone else
Now I am free, I've got to be me
I've got my life and my morality
I no longer care, or live with despair
Fuck you, if you don't think it's fair
This is my life, you have no right
Stop trying to make me change
I tried it your way, felt nothing but shame
I'm sick of the heart ache and pain
One Last Fall
All the pain and the shame that the drugs represent
Falling and Crawling into a fucked up life of descent
Cracked up, Smacked up, you have no will to fight
Don't care, if it's fair, this shit takes over your life
Get clean for the dream, then it all just falls apart
Fucking junkie so unlucky, right back to the start
Rip a hole in your soul, for a life that can't exist
One more hit, shoot more shit, no way to resist
Sobriety keeps calling, but you keep falling
Into the pain, to the needle your chained
It only takes time,till the drugs make you blind
It's a habit again, say goodbye to your friends
Nobody cares, a junkies life is despair
Don't be mislead cause your already dead
One last fall, you fucking junkie
Why can't you see
One last fall, you fucking junkie
What has happened to me?
One last fall, you fucking junkie
You new all the risks
One last fall, you fucking junkie
You won't even be missed
Destiny
Staring out into the distance, I think of what could be
Is there a point to all this madness, what's our destiny?
Normal life seems so strange, it's the same thing everyday
People don't even notice, when their dreams start to fade
Conforming to a system, that's designed for us to fail
People that are remembered, have paved their own trail
Being pushed out for having our own morals and beliefs
Instead of believing all the bullshit, let others be deceived
I remember in my past, when the future looked so bright
That time is behind me now and I still try to do things right
Even though I expected to have all the fortune and the fame
If I had to do it all again, I think it would turn out the same
Regrets are part of life, we must learn from our mistakes
Even though we want it all, there must be give and take
Shit happens for some reason, many just think it's fate
It either makes your life or destroys you with hate
If I was to Say Sorry
If I was to say sorry, would I be forgiven for my life?
If I was to say sorry, would you relieve me of strife?
Though I’ve tried and tried, it all turned to lies
I sat and watched as my life passed me by
If I was to say sorry, could I do it all again?
If I was to say sorry, would I be free from my sin?
My regret, can’t forget the pain of the past
All these years have caught up with me so fast
Misery and Pain, Losing all control, Living in Vein, Life without a soul
Didn’t have time to think, Didn’t have time to care
Never wanted to blame myself, thinking life was so unfair
If I was to change my ways, try to learn from my mistakes
Would anything really change for me, or is it just too late?
If I was to admit, that this life was all my fault
Could I change my destiny and live the life that I sought
If I was to say sorry, would you relieve me of strife?
Though I’ve tried and tried, it all turned to lies
I sat and watched as my life passed me by
If I was to say sorry, could I do it all again?
If I was to say sorry, would I be free from my sin?
My regret, can’t forget the pain of the past
All these years have caught up with me so fast
Misery and Pain, Losing all control, Living in Vein, Life without a soul
Didn’t have time to think, Didn’t have time to care
Never wanted to blame myself, thinking life was so unfair
If I was to change my ways, try to learn from my mistakes
Would anything really change for me, or is it just too late?
If I was to admit, that this life was all my fault
Could I change my destiny and live the life that I sought
Fighting For Life
Fighting for life at the end of the rope
Nothing to lose, you’ve lost all hope
No one will help a person so wrong
No one will care when you are gone
You lived your life without having a care
Robbing and stealing causing despair
You always take, with nothing to give
Now you’ll die the way you lived
It was all bound to catch up one day
With all the people that you betrayed
Now its too late, too late for remorse
Fate has caught up and taken its course
You should have thought about your life
Given back to others and done what’s right
Now it’s too late and your wondering why
No one will care when it’s your turn to die.
Nothing to lose, you’ve lost all hope
No one will help a person so wrong
No one will care when you are gone
You lived your life without having a care
Robbing and stealing causing despair
You always take, with nothing to give
Now you’ll die the way you lived
It was all bound to catch up one day
With all the people that you betrayed
Now its too late, too late for remorse
Fate has caught up and taken its course
You should have thought about your life
Given back to others and done what’s right
Now it’s too late and your wondering why
No one will care when it’s your turn to die.
I Don't Care
So many years just a different day
Hopeless existence, I've lost my way
Feeling so low, lost everything inside
Watching my life as it passes me by
I once lived a life with promise and hope
Till I lost all my will and forgot how to cope
No matter how I try, I can't shake my past
My dreams were taken and smashed
Slowly time passes, loneliness is my home
Now I live my life, so useless and alone
Ive tried and I've tried just to break free
I don't even care what becomes of me
Drug Rituals
I think it’s funny, but for some reason every drug has a special ritual. Not only that, but it also seems like every individual also has their own ritual to go with each drug that they do. Whether it’s actually doing the drug, or preparing to do the drug, there are always different procedures involved with getting high.
If a person gets involved deep enough, the whole process, from getting the money, to calling and even meeting to get the drugs, all become part of the process. I’ve even known people that seemed more attached to everything other than the actual drug. Especially with your harder drugs like crack and heroin.
With crack, the whole preparation leading up to doing the drug can be a whole process in itself. A lot of people use glass “stems” to smoke their crack with. They are a small(only about 4 to 5 inches long), straight glass cylinder and they usually come with a little rose inside them. Why I do not know, I guess it is to cover up what they are really intended for. Even though everyone already knows. In order to be able to use these stems, first you have to get some chore boy, which is actually steel wool. This is used to filter out the impurities and keep the crack from melting into the glass pipe too fast. The problem is, you can’t just stuff chore boy into the pipe. First you have to burn off all of the coating so your only smoking crack and not a bunch of chemicals. Then after you get all that ready, you take a few hits and then push the chore boy back and forth(usually with like a coat-hanger that has been cut, long enough to go all the way through the pipe) to get up all the resin for a better hit. Though, some people just wait until they have smoked a whole bunch, that way, when they “push the pipe” the resin hit, is a big hit(which is actually even better because it is pure coke resin and not whatever else they cut the crack with) all in itself.
Though not everyone has access to getting a glass pipe, I have seen people use all kind of things to smoke their “rocks” with. Mostly some kind of straight hollow object, filled with chore boy. A lot of people will break off antennas from cars, not only for the pipe, but also to use as a pusher too. They will wrap one side(usually with electrical tape) so they don’t burn their lips while smoking. Though I’ve seen people get the pipe so hot, it is unavoidable, and they don’t even seem to care. Anything to get that big hit!! Also, I’ve seen people use sockets from a socket wrench set, it is pretty crazy what people will come up with in a pinch.
The last thing, and probably the most common thing for people to use, is a can(beer or soda, it doesn’t matter). They will take the can, push in one side, and then poke a bunch of holes where they indented the can. I have also seen a lot of people use cans to smoke just about anything that is smoke-able but I think crack is the most prevalent. Then, depending on the person they might punch a hole in one side(some on top and some on bottom), this is use as a “shotgun”, to get all the smoke faster after taking the hit. I have seen some pretty crazy can configurations, and every crackhead thinks that they make the best can.
Now heroin has just as many rituals. From cooking up the drug, to how and where you are going to get that drug into your system. Everyone has their own techniques, and they are developed over time, as the person’s habit progresses. The biggest ritual is actually getting(or hitting) the drug into your system. The longer you are an addict, the harder this can get. Especially when you start blowing out veins. Most addicts lose access to their veins, from either trying to hit in one place too much or from missing the shot(this can cause big abscess’s which usually have to be drained or at least treated).
Since Heroin has to be cooked(most of the time), most people bring a cooker with them, that is unless they wait until they get home to do their shot. Which is another ritual in itself, pulling over as fast as you can, after you have copped(gotten your drugs). These days, a lot of big cities have needle exchange programs(which are saving a lot of lives and a lot of people from disease), these programs offer many items that the addict needs to get high with(other than just the needles). The cookers they offer are aluminium and they look just like a twist off bottle cap(without the threads). Back before the needle exchange(and still in a pinch)people would take the bottom off a can and use that as their cooker. Some people use spoons, but spoons are more of a Hollywood movie thing, because they can spill very easy.
Once your dope is cooked, you’ll need to use a small piece of cotton in the cooker to draw up your dope. Not only does this make it easy to draw up, but it also filters out the impurities. Most people will just rip off a small piece from a cigarette, but needle exchanges do hand out packages with little balls of cotton. Some addicts will use the same gear over and over, this is what leads to infections and contaminated dope. Also, if you aren’t careful, you can get cotton fever. This is from drawing up your dope and not noticing a small piece of cotton(sometimes it’s so small its not even visible) on the needle and then injecting it into your system. Cotton fever, will make you feel feverish and give you flu like symptoms for about 4 hours.
Which brings me to the needles, most people start out with diabetics. They are pretty easy to get, either from the needle exchange or like the old way, go to the pharmacist and tell them you are a diabetic. Most junkies even know the different types of insulin used, just in case the pharmacist ask you. Unfortunately, after years off use, most addict lose access to their veins. Which leads to going deeper and using larger needles. The groin or the neck is usually the next choice. Which can last a very long time, but also leave scares over time. Eventually, these spots will also collapse. As years pass, most addict are covered with scars, either from missing and having abscess’s or from just repeatedly hitting in the same place.
I guess in conclusion, all drugs have their different techniques, that over time just become a natural part of the drug being used. It’s crazy to think, at first these drugs are so scary and most people wouldn’t even consider ANY of these rituals. Fact is, the more immersed you become in any drug. The more immune you become!! You find yourself doing thing that would terrify most people(and even terrified yourself, before you started). Which is how most addict end up dying or catching any variety of diseases. No one wants the life of a junkie or crackhead. All it takes is a few times and you are hooked.
If a person gets involved deep enough, the whole process, from getting the money, to calling and even meeting to get the drugs, all become part of the process. I’ve even known people that seemed more attached to everything other than the actual drug. Especially with your harder drugs like crack and heroin.
With crack, the whole preparation leading up to doing the drug can be a whole process in itself. A lot of people use glass “stems” to smoke their crack with. They are a small(only about 4 to 5 inches long), straight glass cylinder and they usually come with a little rose inside them. Why I do not know, I guess it is to cover up what they are really intended for. Even though everyone already knows. In order to be able to use these stems, first you have to get some chore boy, which is actually steel wool. This is used to filter out the impurities and keep the crack from melting into the glass pipe too fast. The problem is, you can’t just stuff chore boy into the pipe. First you have to burn off all of the coating so your only smoking crack and not a bunch of chemicals. Then after you get all that ready, you take a few hits and then push the chore boy back and forth(usually with like a coat-hanger that has been cut, long enough to go all the way through the pipe) to get up all the resin for a better hit. Though, some people just wait until they have smoked a whole bunch, that way, when they “push the pipe” the resin hit, is a big hit(which is actually even better because it is pure coke resin and not whatever else they cut the crack with) all in itself.
Though not everyone has access to getting a glass pipe, I have seen people use all kind of things to smoke their “rocks” with. Mostly some kind of straight hollow object, filled with chore boy. A lot of people will break off antennas from cars, not only for the pipe, but also to use as a pusher too. They will wrap one side(usually with electrical tape) so they don’t burn their lips while smoking. Though I’ve seen people get the pipe so hot, it is unavoidable, and they don’t even seem to care. Anything to get that big hit!! Also, I’ve seen people use sockets from a socket wrench set, it is pretty crazy what people will come up with in a pinch.
The last thing, and probably the most common thing for people to use, is a can(beer or soda, it doesn’t matter). They will take the can, push in one side, and then poke a bunch of holes where they indented the can. I have also seen a lot of people use cans to smoke just about anything that is smoke-able but I think crack is the most prevalent. Then, depending on the person they might punch a hole in one side(some on top and some on bottom), this is use as a “shotgun”, to get all the smoke faster after taking the hit. I have seen some pretty crazy can configurations, and every crackhead thinks that they make the best can.
Now heroin has just as many rituals. From cooking up the drug, to how and where you are going to get that drug into your system. Everyone has their own techniques, and they are developed over time, as the person’s habit progresses. The biggest ritual is actually getting(or hitting) the drug into your system. The longer you are an addict, the harder this can get. Especially when you start blowing out veins. Most addicts lose access to their veins, from either trying to hit in one place too much or from missing the shot(this can cause big abscess’s which usually have to be drained or at least treated).
Since Heroin has to be cooked(most of the time), most people bring a cooker with them, that is unless they wait until they get home to do their shot. Which is another ritual in itself, pulling over as fast as you can, after you have copped(gotten your drugs). These days, a lot of big cities have needle exchange programs(which are saving a lot of lives and a lot of people from disease), these programs offer many items that the addict needs to get high with(other than just the needles). The cookers they offer are aluminium and they look just like a twist off bottle cap(without the threads). Back before the needle exchange(and still in a pinch)people would take the bottom off a can and use that as their cooker. Some people use spoons, but spoons are more of a Hollywood movie thing, because they can spill very easy.
Once your dope is cooked, you’ll need to use a small piece of cotton in the cooker to draw up your dope. Not only does this make it easy to draw up, but it also filters out the impurities. Most people will just rip off a small piece from a cigarette, but needle exchanges do hand out packages with little balls of cotton. Some addicts will use the same gear over and over, this is what leads to infections and contaminated dope. Also, if you aren’t careful, you can get cotton fever. This is from drawing up your dope and not noticing a small piece of cotton(sometimes it’s so small its not even visible) on the needle and then injecting it into your system. Cotton fever, will make you feel feverish and give you flu like symptoms for about 4 hours.
Which brings me to the needles, most people start out with diabetics. They are pretty easy to get, either from the needle exchange or like the old way, go to the pharmacist and tell them you are a diabetic. Most junkies even know the different types of insulin used, just in case the pharmacist ask you. Unfortunately, after years off use, most addict lose access to their veins. Which leads to going deeper and using larger needles. The groin or the neck is usually the next choice. Which can last a very long time, but also leave scares over time. Eventually, these spots will also collapse. As years pass, most addict are covered with scars, either from missing and having abscess’s or from just repeatedly hitting in the same place.
I guess in conclusion, all drugs have their different techniques, that over time just become a natural part of the drug being used. It’s crazy to think, at first these drugs are so scary and most people wouldn’t even consider ANY of these rituals. Fact is, the more immersed you become in any drug. The more immune you become!! You find yourself doing thing that would terrify most people(and even terrified yourself, before you started). Which is how most addict end up dying or catching any variety of diseases. No one wants the life of a junkie or crackhead. All it takes is a few times and you are hooked.
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