As far back as I can remember I have confused real life with the life depicted in the movies. I always thought if I lived my dreams and followed my heart, life would reward me with a perfect life. Well, as it turns out this idea has left me in a very dark place. I guess this is what happens when the cameras are turned off.
Even when things go bad, some how everything works out in the end. I think the worse movies of all are the love stories. The biggest problem with them is that most of these stories take place at the beginning of the realationship. Of coarse it can be a bumpy road, but in the end, everything works out. Isn't life great? Yeah right!!
Of coarse there are a couple movies that show how life really can be, but the are few and far between. The problem is these movies usually go a totally opposite direction, but someone usually ends up one top in the end. I have always loved when everyone dies, especially the lead character and you are left thinking, "what the hell just happened?!?!"
Now that is real life. And don't even get me started on the cliche, "what doesn't kill you, make you stronger." If your reading this you've probably noticed I changed that saying a little bit "What doesn't kill you can really fuck you up!!" I mean of coarse we (hopefully) learn from our mistakes, but believe me I'm not dead, but I am totally fucked up, and no where close to being stronger for it. If anything, I'm weaker, because I have gone to such great lengths to shield myself from everything that I have trapped myself in a place where I do nothing but type and drive.
I've watched friends die and believe me, I miss the hell out of them, but honestly they escaped a life of pain and disappointment. The weirdest part of all of this is the fact that if I would have died when I was 26 or 27, I would have been remembered as a great musician, artist and writer. People always put people they love on a pedestal. It's almost like after you break up with someone for a while, all you remember are the great times. The same goes with kicking heroin, no matter how sick you get, a week later you think back and forget the hell you just went through. All that matters is the high.|
I must be honest though, the last few months have been pretty good, I have started to get back what I lost. Unfortunately, most of the stuff I have done is from before I got messed up. I have just found a new way to get my creative abilities out there. Still it has been great. Now I just need someone to read this, discover me and I can go back to living my movie life.
I mean one thing that brings me much joy is the fact that, if I died tomorrow, my life at the end wasn't a complete waste. The only draw back to this statement is what happens to me next is a complete mystery. It is so easy to fall back and lose everything again. One thing I've learned is when you have everything... You also have everything to lose!!!
I know I have gotten a little off subject, but it all ties together. It all goes back to following my heart and dreams. Unfortunately, my heart and dreams left me a shattered man. Movies are always about the one person that made it. The thing that sucks about that is, in reality that person is one in a million. They're lives don't express the way life is, they are the exception.
I believe every movie with a happy ending should have a sequel made about it. All they have to do is title it "{Movie Title} how life was destroyed". Even the movies where the person puts all they're faith in themselves and makes it, in time they get sick of fame and for the most part want everyone to leave them alone. Fame is a double edge sword. You can't have privacy and fame. You choose one and except the loss of the other.
When it comes to romance flicks, which yes, I will admit I'm a big sap for (being a hopeless romantic has left me hopeless[and alone]) they can just name the sequel "{Movie title} nothing lasts". For this example, I will refer to another one of my writings, because I always think back to Romeo & Juliet. Let's say they didn't die in the end(which by the way rules!!! Go Shakespeare!!)
Start scene one, Romeo is sitting there broke and alone, I mean they were banished. Juliet woke up and decided she couldn't live without her royal servants, and went crawling back to her parent and the prearranged marriage. Only to find out that that deal was off the table and her parents wouldn't take her back, so she started selling herself, which of coarse turned into a far worse fate. As for Romeo, he only knew the easy life, so adapting to nothing wasn't easy. His attempt at a life of crime turned on him, I mean fighting is easy with people to back you up, but when you are alone and desperate things aren't as easy.
This is only one scenario, I have quit a few, where they have a couple kids and don't know how to take care of them and Romeo is bald and worthless and Juliet is a fat complaining bitch. Also, where they are together and just get sick of each other and try to go back, only to find out everything has changed and all they have are there memeories to hold on to. You know....Reality!!!
I could go on an on, but I think you get my point. I'm not Shakespeare, though I have attempted to write a couple books. Maybe someday everything will come together with the universe and it will be my turn to be "One in a million!!!"....Then I'll just have something else to complain about!!!
