It's a Child, Not a Choice

     Well, before I start this blog, let me just say that this is my opinion, I know this is a very touchy subject. This is how I feel about abortion and people are definitely going to disagree with me, which is only expected. Everyone is entitled to what they believe, if everyone agreed on everything, life would be very boring!!! O.K., with that being said, lets get into the controversy.
      I saw this bumper sticker this morning, it read "It's a Child, Not a Choice." So I started to think to myself...and I came to this conclusion. Yes, it is a child, and that is why abortion SHOULD BE LEGAL!! I know, right now anyone who supports pro-life is about to jump up and condemn me, but like I said before....THIS IS HOW I FEEL. It is only my opinion.
      First off, lets think about it, there are so many unwanted children out there, is it really fair to give birth to someone an have them grow up knowing they were unwanted? So you say, well what about adoption? I agree, there are a lot of people out there that want children, that can't have them. So yes, adoption is a great way for people and unwanted children to help each other out. The main issue is, there are so many unwanted children that once they reach a certain age, they are completely overlooked for children that are younger. Which leaves a lot of kids bouncing from home to home with no stable background.
      Then there are these families that already have children, but think they are doing the right thing by adopting more children. It is a great gesture and they swear up and down that they treat the adopted kids exactly the same as their own, but no matter how good their intentions are, it has got to be awkward for everyone. Of coarse, if the kid is very young and only knows the life they are introduced into, then yes, it could work, but not always. I just keep thinking about the older kids, kids that have been in an out of different foster homes their whole lives and really have no way to know what is really expected of them. Are they really suppose to just move in to someones house and fit right in?
       Then there is the bad side of adoption. People that could care less about the kids. They know, if they take these kids in, they will get paid.They do the bare minimum and use most of the money for themselves. I mean, yes it is helpful, but do these kids really benefit when the person doesn't really care about them? Then you have the worse of the worst, the pedophiles and sicko's that prey on kids. I mean, it sucks, but there is always a down side to everything. They make the people who are really trying to do good look bad.
      Now, lets look at it from the pregnant girls point of view. Let say abortion is Illegal. There is this girl that makes all the wrong decisions, she gets wasted everyday, and does every drug imaginable. One night she is all wasted and gets pregnant. Well, abortion is Illegal, do you think this is going to stop her from getting wasted? No way, in fact, she will probably get more messed up just from the guilt alone. Is this going to give that baby a better quality if life? Even if she does put it up for adoption, the baby will be born addicted to all kinds of drugs and will have so many different defects that the chances of being adopted are almost none.
      Next scenario, a girl is walking home from work or school one night and is horribly raped. She finds out 3 months later that she is pregnant, but abortion is illegal. So now she has to suffer for 6 more months, being reminded everyday of this tragic event that destroyed her life. The kid is given up for adoption, but lives their whole life wondering why the person that gave birth to them, didn't love them enough to keep them. So they go looking for their birth mother, just to find out that not only was their mother a victim, but their father was a rapist.
      People make bad decisions, and abortion is a horrific choice to live with, but making it Illegal, doesn't make the quality of life any better for anyone. For the most part it just makes life harder for the girl that is pregnant. There are stories of girls doing unheard of things to try to get rid of the baby. Going to doctors that aren't qualified, and sometimes aren't even doctors!! There have been girls that have died from this. So now not only is the baby dead,but so is the girl that got pregnant!!!
      So, no matter what the choice, it is never an easy one. Taking away a women's right to choose only endangers the women's life. People think that having the baby is always the right choice, but forcing someone to give birth to a baby that is unwanted is only setting that kid up for a horrible life. I mean with the way the world is today, being brought up with everything in your favor is still a long and hard road. Every kid is a blessing, but being unwanted is a curse.

Just Relax

   Many times I have tried to explain insomnia to people that don't suffer from it. The answer I seem to get the most is "Just Relax." This statement drives me crazy!!! Just relax?!?!? Damn, why didn't I ever think of that?!?! Holy shit, all these years of going days on end without sleep and your telling me all I had to do was just relax. Oh, my god you are my savior.
   The next person that tries to tell me to just relax, I would love to spike their drink with Crystal Meth and be like "Oh, JUST RELAX!!!" What's wrong? Your mind won't stop racing and your eyes won't shut?!?! Well, now you know how I feel, and that is without any drugs!!
      I've swear, I have tried everything, sometimes sleeping pills and other drugs won't even work. Not to mention, I have had enough problems with addiction, there is  no way I plan on getting myself hooked on something else!!. Furthermore, the times that I have taken sleeping pills and had them work, the whole next day, I am in a complete haze. I swear that is worse than not sleeping at all.
      I don't really mind the first day of no sleep, I am completely use to that. It is the second and third day that start to get to me. Insomnia is definitely like a drug by itself. Sometimes, if I am in the mood, I actually try to enjoy it. Sounds funny, I know. Here I am complaining about insomnia and then turn around and tell you I enjoy it! What can I say? I am just trying to be honest with you. Doesn't mean I will always be rational. In fact, I can assure you, the more you read, the more messed up I will probably sound. Then again, I can't be the only one....CAN I?!?!?! AHAHAHA
      I know some of you are thinking that my insomnia is induced by drugs, but it is the complete opposite. The truth is, one of the main reasons I fell in love with heroin so much was because heroin cured my insomnia and let me be "normal" for once in my life. Well, as close to normal as I can be!!!
       When I was young I did do a lot of different drugs, I even drank back then(which, if you have read any of my other posts, you'll probably know that I absolutely despise alcohol, but that is a whole different topic). I tried just about everything to escape the pain and misery, and I'm not only talking about insomnia. I have a lot of other problems, both physical and mental, insomnia is just one of them. After I discovered heroin, I pretty much quit everything else because I didn't need any of it!!!! Heroin seemed to be the answer to everything, too bad it is illegal and very expensive, or I would probably still be living a "NORMAL" life today!!!
        Methadone has also helped me to sleep. I sleep really good on methadone. The biggest problem though with methadone is, too much sleep!!! On methadone I can sleep 12 to 16 hrs a day, NO PROBLEM!! It makes you a zombie!!! If you think I am exaggerating, then go hang out for a day at a methadone clinic. It is crazy to see the effects of methadone.
       Hanging out in the methadone clinic, you'll see the young kids, they are a little off, but haven't really been on methadone long enough to see the "Change". Then there are the people that have been on it a little longer. They can still function, but you can start to notice the difference. Their speech is a little slower and so is the way they walk. Also, they might have a limp or something else wrong with their body.The biggest give away is the fact that they might only be 30 or 40, but look like they are 50 or 60!!! Then there are the people that have been on methadone for years....These people have given up all hope of a regular life. Their speech is completely off and they walk really slow. They literally walk and talk like a zombie!!!
      The worst part is, I am on the same path. I have been on methadone for 5yrs now, with no end in sight!!! I have tried time after time to quit, but just can't seem to make it.
       So in my quest for a normal life, once again I have shown that it is always just out of reach for me. I can either sleep my life away and have nothing, or I can stay up for days and go completely mental.