Up or Down, Never in Between

          As far back as I can remember, I have this tendency to either be completely on top or completely on bottom, there has never been a middle ground or shall I say "Normal plain" for me. The more I analyze myself the more I realize it pertains to every aspect of my life. I'm either really happy or extremely depressed, I'm never just O.K.
       I first started noticing that I either wanted to do "everything" perfect or I just didn't want to do it. I mean of coarse I was always willing to try and practice at it, but perfection was always the goal(which I guess is obvious). I mean some people are happy with just being, I guess for lack of a better word "normal", me I wanted to be either at the top of the list or I just wouldn't do it. Even in school, if I didn't get A's or B's, I would just blow it off all together. Which I guess is why I had to get my G.E.D, but even when I got my assoc. degree, if I thought I was getting an "average" grade, I would drop the class and start over again. In the end my GPA was a 3.5, but it took me a long time to finish school.
        Even my personality and perception of myself,is completely messed up. I am completely narcissistic, with a huge ego and no self esteem. Sound completely contradictory? Yeah, I think so too. I guess loosely translated "I am the most awesome loser that ever lived!!"  I must say though I did yearn for normalcy, but found bad ways to achieve it.
        Even now, I got a new computer in Jan., it's now March and I have started learning Digital music, Photoshop, these blogs, 3D animation, how to build websites and am posting everything to the internet, oh yeah, I almost forgot, making videos too. This time last year I didn't do anything, at all!! Hell, even three months ago, I was lucky if I made a video in a month.
        I guess when I started converting everything from analog to digital I did a lot, but there is another example, I get my analog to digital converter and I do it all in one day. I could have worked on a song or two and then came back another day, but not me!! I had to do it all in one day and it had to be done right, I almost quit a hundred times, just cause it wasn't perfect.
        I could go on and on, but I think you get where I am going with this. I guess, since I kinda of understand how I am, it is better than being in complete denial. I mean most people won't except the fact that they have a problem. If someone tells them they are bi-polar or something they can't except it. Not me, I know if I want to be bi-polar, I would have to step down a few notches on the crazy meter. That's right I said it....I'm CRAZY(but not the good kind)!!!