Lost Thoughts

     Well here I am, I feel like writing, but have nothing to write about!!! I was going to write about going back in time to tell yourself what to fix about your life and what you would do differently. The only problem is, I kinda feel like I have already written about this, but I went back an told myself not to do it….. Soooooo, it should be fine….(Bad Joke).
      I am in a very weird mood tonight, so even though I will try to make this about changing the past(I think the fact that most of this subject is based on wish’s and people(in movies) going back to change their past, is the reason I thought I have already written this). I reserve the right to ramble on about anything. So here we go.
      A lot of people are under the impression that if they were to go back an warn themselves about something big they regret doing, everything would change for the better and life would then be perfect from there on out. My biggest problem with this is two things.
      First off, even though it does happen rarely, no one thing is going to change everything in your life. Let say though, for argument sake, that you are one of the lucky ones, you change that one regret and get everything you ever wanted. What happens now? Everything good that has happened stays and everything bad goes? Well, I hate to tell you this, but it doesn’t work that way. That is one thing people don’t think about. If you change the bad, the good goes too. Everything changes, are you willing to give up everything? Also, if you get everything you ever wanted, will you all the sudden be happy? Look at Kurt Cobain, he got everything he always wanted and ended up blowing his brains out!!!
     Second, even if you did manage to change one big mistake, who is to say your life would get better? I mean one of the best ways to learn, is from mistakes. So let’s be logical for a minute, your one big regret is gone. Don’t you think your next mistake might be even bigger? Let’s say your biggest regret was messing up the love of your life. You go back and fix your “big mistake.” Now you get married, maybe have a kid and life seems great. Next thing you know (lets talk movie terms) the whole system is outta balance. So fate steps in and kills your wife and kid, because they were never suppose to exist. So now, not only have you lost your love again, but her family has lost a child and so have you(sounds like a movie, doesn’t it?). Think about it, bad things happen for a reason. The reasons are always clear, but good things do come from tragedy.
       I always wonder what it takes to be truly happy. I am such a skeptical person, that when I see people that seem to always be happy, I think that they are faking it. I mean looking happy and being happy are two completely different things. The funny thing is, that there are people that are content with their lives. This doesn’t mean that they are always happy, or that these people don’t ever have problems. It just means that these people have a different outlook on life. They strive to make each day better than the one before, and to them, adversity is just another challenge to conquer with a positive attitude. Which is what I think is the key to everything.
      Don’t get me wrong, I can be positive. I positively know I hate everything…See!!! I positively know that being miserable is just part of my everyday life. I guess a positive attitude is one thing I was born without. People have told me, it the choices I make and the outlook I have, but I have tried other ways.
      I’ve tried “acting” happy, but that is all it is… ACTING!!! I’ve even convinced the people I was with that their great insights were working. It’s always funny to me, because they start thinking they achieved some great miracle, “See, I knew you could be happy, all you had to do was open up and try!!!” At the same time, I’m thinking “Give me a gun, so I can put a bullet in your skull!!!” Then I would really be HAPPY!!!