Looking for piece of mind
Living through these fucked up times
Inner sight is making me blind
Do you like to hear me whine?
Chorus: Sit here and wonder how I go wrong
Falling Apart, Holding On
Happiness is so hard to find
Living through these fucked up times
I always seem to go, just a little to far
Making my life, oh so hard
(Don't know why I I drop my guard)
(And let the loneliness rip me apart)
My emotions change, with every day
At least I know I'm not plain
I don't give a fuck if you think
I'm So strange, why the hell would I
be the same?
Sit here and wonder how I go wrong
Falling Apart, Holding On
Happiness is so hard to find
Living through these fucked up times
Showing posts with label Mood swings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mood swings. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Up or Down, Never in Between
As far back as I can remember, I have this tendency to either be completely on top or completely on bottom, there has never been a middle ground or shall I say "Normal plain" for me. The more I analyze myself the more I realize it pertains to every aspect of my life. I'm either really happy or extremely depressed, I'm never just O.K.
I first started noticing that I either wanted to do "everything" perfect or I just didn't want to do it. I mean of coarse I was always willing to try and practice at it, but perfection was always the goal(which I guess is obvious). I mean some people are happy with just being, I guess for lack of a better word "normal", me I wanted to be either at the top of the list or I just wouldn't do it. Even in school, if I didn't get A's or B's, I would just blow it off all together. Which I guess is why I had to get my G.E.D, but even when I got my assoc. degree, if I thought I was getting an "average" grade, I would drop the class and start over again. In the end my GPA was a 3.5, but it took me a long time to finish school.
Even my personality and perception of myself,is completely messed up. I am completely narcissistic, with a huge ego and no self esteem. Sound completely contradictory? Yeah, I think so too. I guess loosely translated "I am the most awesome loser that ever lived!!" I must say though I did yearn for normalcy, but found bad ways to achieve it.
Even now, I got a new computer in Jan., it's now March and I have started learning Digital music, Photoshop, these blogs, 3D animation, how to build websites and am posting everything to the internet, oh yeah, I almost forgot, making videos too. This time last year I didn't do anything, at all!! Hell, even three months ago, I was lucky if I made a video in a month.
I guess when I started converting everything from analog to digital I did a lot, but there is another example, I get my analog to digital converter and I do it all in one day. I could have worked on a song or two and then came back another day, but not me!! I had to do it all in one day and it had to be done right, I almost quit a hundred times, just cause it wasn't perfect.
I could go on and on, but I think you get where I am going with this. I guess, since I kinda of understand how I am, it is better than being in complete denial. I mean most people won't except the fact that they have a problem. If someone tells them they are bi-polar or something they can't except it. Not me, I know if I want to be bi-polar, I would have to step down a few notches on the crazy meter. That's right I said it....I'm CRAZY(but not the good kind)!!!
I first started noticing that I either wanted to do "everything" perfect or I just didn't want to do it. I mean of coarse I was always willing to try and practice at it, but perfection was always the goal(which I guess is obvious). I mean some people are happy with just being, I guess for lack of a better word "normal", me I wanted to be either at the top of the list or I just wouldn't do it. Even in school, if I didn't get A's or B's, I would just blow it off all together. Which I guess is why I had to get my G.E.D, but even when I got my assoc. degree, if I thought I was getting an "average" grade, I would drop the class and start over again. In the end my GPA was a 3.5, but it took me a long time to finish school.
Even my personality and perception of myself,is completely messed up. I am completely narcissistic, with a huge ego and no self esteem. Sound completely contradictory? Yeah, I think so too. I guess loosely translated "I am the most awesome loser that ever lived!!" I must say though I did yearn for normalcy, but found bad ways to achieve it.
Even now, I got a new computer in Jan., it's now March and I have started learning Digital music, Photoshop, these blogs, 3D animation, how to build websites and am posting everything to the internet, oh yeah, I almost forgot, making videos too. This time last year I didn't do anything, at all!! Hell, even three months ago, I was lucky if I made a video in a month.
I guess when I started converting everything from analog to digital I did a lot, but there is another example, I get my analog to digital converter and I do it all in one day. I could have worked on a song or two and then came back another day, but not me!! I had to do it all in one day and it had to be done right, I almost quit a hundred times, just cause it wasn't perfect.
I could go on and on, but I think you get where I am going with this. I guess, since I kinda of understand how I am, it is better than being in complete denial. I mean most people won't except the fact that they have a problem. If someone tells them they are bi-polar or something they can't except it. Not me, I know if I want to be bi-polar, I would have to step down a few notches on the crazy meter. That's right I said it....I'm CRAZY(but not the good kind)!!!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
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