Retrieve Your Soul

Time has come to retrieve your soul
The debt was payed you've gained control
Reach out and collect what's your
Time has come to settle the score

Problems arise and everyone's dead
Fixing all matters and moving ahead
You don't understand how you survived
In that room you should have died

Stop before work, get what you need
Curiosity has planted it's seed
Your taking out the boss's wife
If you fuck up you'll lose your life

Out on the town everything seems fine
You relax a bit and start to unwind
The night is over and the time flies by
Little do you know she is gonna die

Rush and panic just to save her life
Your loyalty will be tested tonight
The night is over and she  pulled through
You saved her life, but she saved you

Planning out the heist of your life
Robbery has blinded your sights
You and your girl take over the place
Little do you know what you are about to face

Could We Survive?

          People always complain about how hard life is these days.If you think about it, the human race as a whole has become lazy and full of complaints. If you go back less than a century, people didn't seem to have as many "made up" problems as we do now. Pain and suffering was a way of life, but back then they mostly dealt with it, for the most part, they didn't have any choice.

          Depression might have existed, but it wasn't talked about and it definitely wasn't thought of as excuse for not being productive.The fact is people had no choice but to work and work hard.Stuff had to be done manually. The was no electricity or technology to do it for us. I'm sure there were lazy people back in the day, but believe me if you didn't work, you didn't eat.

         I just keep thinking about what life would be like if we woke up tomorrow and nothing worked. Could we actually adapt and go back to the way it use to be. It was easy for people in their time periods, but we only know life how it is now, we have forgotten what live use to be. Most of us have no idea how to kill and cook our own food or what it takes to live without technology. If you were to take away my phone and car, I would be completely lost. I know there was a time when I didn't need those things to get by, but that was a long time ago. I've completely come to rely on those things to live. I wouldn't even begin to know how to create a battery or electricity. If I want to make a fire, I have either a lighter or a match. I know there has been a couple times when the electricity goes off in the house and my first reaction is to pick up a phone and call someone to come fix it. Then the rest of the time, I'm walking around turning on light switches for no reason and picking up the remote control without even thinking about it. It is crazy to think how reliant we have actually become on technology.

        There are all these movies on the apocalypse and zombies roaming the earth. Then there is always some "hero" type that out lives everyone and saves the world. Well, I can tell you right now, that will definitely not be me. Human instinct might drive us to survive and repopulate, but I don't think I will be the one to do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure if it does happen, there might be a vast amount of people that do survive, but their numbers will quickly deteriorate. I never really understood wanting to be one of  the one that lives anyways. How miserable of a life is that? When and if it all comes down, I want to be one of the first people to go.

         End of the world bomb shelters to me are crazy, I mean you might survive, but at what cost? Living your life in a little box is down right insanity. I mean what if you do make it, then what? You don't die quickly with everyone else, you slowly watch as all your rations run out and you slowly die! Sounds like a much better idea to me.

         I guess the point of this whole post is just to realize how far we have come. Even though we might be technologically better off, for the most part we have lost most of the fundamentals of living. Just ask yourself, if everything were to be gone tomorrow. No electricity, no clean water, no gas, or phone, and lets not forget the most important, no internet, do you think you could still survive? I know most of you are going to answer really quick and say "oh, I could do it no problem". You might even give me a few examples of how and why you could do it, but really think about it. Be honest, cause your not lying to me, your lying to yourself. Also, you have to remember, there are other people out there stronger and more equip, they are just as messed and  looking for your free supplies. Could you bring yourself to kill someone? Do know how to protect yourself and feed yourself. You might be surprised by what the answer really is!

     

Every waking Day(lyrics)

Now you have your new friends

So your finished with me

I only was your main necessity

When you were in desperate need

When you had no one 

I was always there

To show you love and support

And let you know that I cared

But then you didn't need

Someone so close to you

Always shutting me out

What the hell was I to do?

It's been so long

And I still feel this pain

Your love, it haunts me

With every waking day

With every waking day

We had some of the best times

When we just sat and talked

Driving around that useless town

There was nothing to do at all

But now I know it's over

You've got someone new

I just want you to know

That I still love you

Yes I still love you

My Memories

My friends are alive, but something has died
Cause I moved away and left them behind
Broke my heart to make a new start
Holding the memories

I went back to visit my friends
What we once had, has come to an end
Everything's different, and we all have changed
Going home now it seems so strange

Chorus: I don't know why, maybe its me
Me and my memories

Sometimes when I'm sitting around
I think of those times, it brings me down
I'm so alone, I miss my friends
This loneliness has got to end

Standing alone, I don't belong
No matter what happens I've got to be strong
I know in my heart I'm not alone
Just a new life, in this new home

Things will start looking better for me
It's time to set myself free!!!

A Fresh Start

       In Dec. of 2011, I was watching the new karate kid, I know, it sounds funny, but there is one part of the movie where Jackie Chan says "You've taught me that life can knock you down, but you can choose to get back up." For some reason that line stuck with me. I decided right then and there to get off of methadone.

       I haven't left the D.C. area(well except to go to Baltimore for dope) since 1999, I went to the beach with my girlfriend at the time.Believe me, I brought a lot of dope and was still sick on the way home. The only other time I left was to go to Western Maryland for my Aunts funeral, once again, I brought plenty of dope, even though I was only gone for a day.

      The day I was watching the new Karate Kid, it dawned on me, I want to be free!! I can't even count the times someone has asked me to go to the beach or something and I didn't even think about it. I had excepted my fate. Then one line in a movie changed everything. I went in an told my counselor, I wanted to get off of methadone. I knew from past experiences it would be a long process, but when I started back at the clinic I told her I want to get off of this quick, I want to be out of here in a couple of months...Here it is 4 1/2 years later and I'm still not off.

      In Dec. I started coming down 2mg a week. It's been going pretty good.Now I'm down to 9mg, but I had to cut back to 1mg a week, and I'm fighting it the whole way. Now that I am down so low, I can feel each milligram, but I am going to push on.

      In Jan., the best thing that could have happened to me, did!! I got a new computer. I haven't stopped since. I don't even watch TV anymore, if I am awake, I am on this computer.

      It started out with my music, first I tried out Fl Studio, the demo version does everything but record(which I can export into a free program). Then I wanted to just practice playing my bass and guitar(Even though my arm is messed up and I can't hold a pick, I still have my fingers and I always dropped picks back when I could hold one so I got use to playing without one.)so I started looking into getting an interface for my computer. I did some wheeling and dealing and got one(I found a place that took small payments-Thank you sweetwater).I haven't stopped since.

      Next came my artwork, I was looking at all my sketchbook, and thought I need to get these uploaded. I went online and boom, wallmart had one for $25. I was so excited. So I started looking into photoshop, the best part about most programs is they'll give you a free trial(I've gone through 4 different music programs) and a lot of them have have similar freeware, that is so awesome.  Because, I haven't worked in 4 1/2 yrs.

      Then one day, I was thinking, maybe I'll just scan my poetry books, I have about 6 of them. Then it came to me, there has to be a site somewhere for poetry. Sure enough, all poetry.com was right there. A while back,in 2010, I started copying my poems onto a disk so I could have them. All I had to do was cut and paste. I uploaded 33 poems in one day.

       While I was doing that it dawned on me,I have 9 chapters of a book I was writing back in 2010(but it didn't go very far) about addiction. I knew I was dying and thought if i write a book about why addiction is what it is and the things that can be done, maybe after I am gone, someone else will be helped and can avoid this pain.

      So here it is March, I started making new music, new writings(including this), and new artwork, I absolutely love photoshop. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about learning how to do videos on my computer screen with a hypercam. That made my new music not only audible, but visible too. Add in a couple photoshopped pictures and I'm going somewhere.

      This whole digital thing is absolutely awesome to me, I can't get enough, I want to learn everything. I even started dabbling in moving logos and 3D animation, but that is a whole new project that will take a lot of time to learn. I even made my own website. It took about three days to get right(12hrs straight each day), I must of changed it a hundred times already.

      I just can't believe it's only been 2 1/2 months and I've accomplished more in that little time frame than I have in 15yrs.!! The sky is the limit  and I plan on climbing to the top!!