Why Are You Gay

      When I was younger, I really didn't understand why men were gay. I just couldn't comprehend how a man could be attracted to another man. In fact, I use to joke around that I felt sorry for women, just because men are so disgusting. Then I would add, if I was a women, I could see being gay, because women are so beautiful. 
      So for many years, I was very ignorant about the subject. I would laugh and put down gay people. Mainly just as a defense mechanism because I didn't understand what it meant to be gay.  Also, it must have been ingrained in me that being gay was evil and that gay men would prey on anyone of the same sex. If I even thought someone was gay, I would stay far away or do everything I could to put this man down to prove that I wasn't gay.
      Then one day, a couple of my close friends invited me to go hang out. I was horrified when I got there and realized that most of the people at this house were gay. I quickly put up my defenses and left. The whole ride home, I joked on all the people in the house and criticized my friends for putting me in that messed up situation. To be honest it was my first real encounter with gay people. I mean, growing up there were people that I expected might be gay, but like I said, I stayed far away from anyone that might be remotely gay.
       So a few weeks passed and I had forgotten the whole incident. I was invited to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I had loved going to ever since I was 16(I was around 20 at this point). In Virginia Beach, the movie is completely different than in Fairfax(where I used to go and watch the midnight movie). In Fairfax, everyone hung-out on the floor in front of the screen and just did whatever they pleased. Well, in Virginia Beach there were actors portraying each character that actually acted out each scene on a stage in front of the screen. Other people participated,  but mostly from their own seats. It wasn't the free for all that Fairfax was.
       So one of my best friends was offered a roll as Rocky. I couldn't wait to go. It had been a few years since I had gone, so I jumped at the chance to go. Well, when we got there I was in shock to find out that most of the cast were the same gay guys that were at the house. I tried to keep my composure, but all I could think of was "Is my friend Gay? Oh my God, what do I do now?" I was freaking out. All this time, I was afraid of gay people and it turns out that my friend is one of them....this just can't be!!! So I asked him what he was doing with all these gay people. He kind of laughed and told me to relax. Then he wanted to know what my problem was, hadn't I ever been around Gay people before. I boldly told him no and that I didn't ever planning on being around them either!!! I did slowly start going over to the "Gay House" as I called it, but I was never comfortable doing so.
       A few months went by and one of the guys that started hanging around with us was a black guy that was really feminine. He was very open about being gay. It took me a while to get to the point that I could even talk to him, in fact one time we were in the kitchen and he was like "There is something in your hair...I would get it out, but I'm afraid you might hit me." I told him, yeah don't even think about touching me!! He just kinda laughed and asked me why a guy that is 6' 2' 185lbs is so scared of a guy that is barely 5' 7" 120lbs. I told him, I am not comfortable around gay people. I will say that, I was one to always say what I felt. I figured if I am going to say something about someone, I am going to say it to them first.
        After hanging out a few times, I got comfortable enough around him to actually hold a conversation with him. I started asking him why he was gay. I wanted to know why he didn't just "try" to be with women. He told he had tried to be with women many times and it was just gross to him. Then he put it into a perspective for me that just clicked. He said "You know how you look at another man and are not attracted to them at all, well when I look at a women I feel the exact same way." 
        Over the years we became really good friends. I did actually find out that he liked me, but I will say he always respected the fact that I wasn't gay. Honestly, the only thing he ever did in the manner of hitting on me was, after I moved back to the beach while trying to kick heroin, he ask me if I had ever thought about letting other guys blow me for money. Which I said no, and that was it. I'll even go so far as to admit, I was kinda flattered when I learned that he had a little crush on me.
         I had heard for a long time that homophobic people are that way because they are secretly GAY. So for the longest time, I questioned myself  "Could I really be gay?" Then I realized, I never have cared what other people think about me or who or what I am. My looks and actions go against everything that is considered normal. If I was gay, I would be proud to be gay. It would just be another explanation into why I was always so different.
        I was homophobic because it was something I didn't understand and wouldn't try to understand. I was never taught by my parents to be prejudice, they always taught me to respect and honor everyone, no matter who or what they were. I'm pretty sure my ignorance came from the people I hung out with when I was younger, we always joked on and about gay people, so I thought it was wrong and disgusting. Once I understand what being gay was about though, I was never homophobic again.
         I realized that it is so unfair to try to change someone into something they were never meant to be. Not is it only unfair to them, but trying to force a person that is gay into a heterosexuality relationship is so unfair to the other person too. I mean how many times have you heard stories about people that were married and had kids, then years later one of them comes out and the family is left devastated? This isn't fair to anyone.
        The way I see it, if someone is lucky enough to find some in this messed up world that they connect with, then they should hold on to them as long as they can. No one should be able to tell them they are wrong!!! Just like it isn't natural for a straight person to be expected to be gay. It isn't natural for someone gay to try to be straight. Being gay isn't a choice!!!! Gay people aren't trying to force straight people to be gay. SO STRAIGHT PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE TRYING TO FORCE GAY PEOPLE TO BE STRAIGHT!!!!

It's a Child, Not a Choice

     Well, before I start this blog, let me just say that this is my opinion, I know this is a very touchy subject. This is how I feel about abortion and people are definitely going to disagree with me, which is only expected. Everyone is entitled to what they believe, if everyone agreed on everything, life would be very boring!!! O.K., with that being said, lets get into the controversy.
      I saw this bumper sticker this morning, it read "It's a Child, Not a Choice." So I started to think to myself...and I came to this conclusion. Yes, it is a child, and that is why abortion SHOULD BE LEGAL!! I know, right now anyone who supports pro-life is about to jump up and condemn me, but like I said before....THIS IS HOW I FEEL. It is only my opinion.
      First off, lets think about it, there are so many unwanted children out there, is it really fair to give birth to someone an have them grow up knowing they were unwanted? So you say, well what about adoption? I agree, there are a lot of people out there that want children, that can't have them. So yes, adoption is a great way for people and unwanted children to help each other out. The main issue is, there are so many unwanted children that once they reach a certain age, they are completely overlooked for children that are younger. Which leaves a lot of kids bouncing from home to home with no stable background.
      Then there are these families that already have children, but think they are doing the right thing by adopting more children. It is a great gesture and they swear up and down that they treat the adopted kids exactly the same as their own, but no matter how good their intentions are, it has got to be awkward for everyone. Of coarse, if the kid is very young and only knows the life they are introduced into, then yes, it could work, but not always. I just keep thinking about the older kids, kids that have been in an out of different foster homes their whole lives and really have no way to know what is really expected of them. Are they really suppose to just move in to someones house and fit right in?
       Then there is the bad side of adoption. People that could care less about the kids. They know, if they take these kids in, they will get paid.They do the bare minimum and use most of the money for themselves. I mean, yes it is helpful, but do these kids really benefit when the person doesn't really care about them? Then you have the worse of the worst, the pedophiles and sicko's that prey on kids. I mean, it sucks, but there is always a down side to everything. They make the people who are really trying to do good look bad.
      Now, lets look at it from the pregnant girls point of view. Let say abortion is Illegal. There is this girl that makes all the wrong decisions, she gets wasted everyday, and does every drug imaginable. One night she is all wasted and gets pregnant. Well, abortion is Illegal, do you think this is going to stop her from getting wasted? No way, in fact, she will probably get more messed up just from the guilt alone. Is this going to give that baby a better quality if life? Even if she does put it up for adoption, the baby will be born addicted to all kinds of drugs and will have so many different defects that the chances of being adopted are almost none.
      Next scenario, a girl is walking home from work or school one night and is horribly raped. She finds out 3 months later that she is pregnant, but abortion is illegal. So now she has to suffer for 6 more months, being reminded everyday of this tragic event that destroyed her life. The kid is given up for adoption, but lives their whole life wondering why the person that gave birth to them, didn't love them enough to keep them. So they go looking for their birth mother, just to find out that not only was their mother a victim, but their father was a rapist.
      People make bad decisions, and abortion is a horrific choice to live with, but making it Illegal, doesn't make the quality of life any better for anyone. For the most part it just makes life harder for the girl that is pregnant. There are stories of girls doing unheard of things to try to get rid of the baby. Going to doctors that aren't qualified, and sometimes aren't even doctors!! There have been girls that have died from this. So now not only is the baby dead,but so is the girl that got pregnant!!!
      So, no matter what the choice, it is never an easy one. Taking away a women's right to choose only endangers the women's life. People think that having the baby is always the right choice, but forcing someone to give birth to a baby that is unwanted is only setting that kid up for a horrible life. I mean with the way the world is today, being brought up with everything in your favor is still a long and hard road. Every kid is a blessing, but being unwanted is a curse.